I'm here and in the process of settling in!

I'm here! I feel such a mix of emotions, it has been absolutely fabulous to catch up with friends, to see people I care so deeply about and be back on Cdn soil! On the other hand, I miss seeing cows, donkeys, alpacas, lamas, sheep and pigs. And do you remember those little bitty piggies I told you about?? Well apparently the Beckhams just purchased a few. Do you think they read about it on my blog?? Just remember my friends, you read about said pigs here, first!

More next week! I'm off to catch up with Uni mates tonight and heading to the farmer's market tomorrow. It's good to know no matter what country you are in there are farmer's markets.

It may take me a while to catch up on all your blogs but I'll try in earnest! Can I ask a little favor, if you've had something big happen, can you tell me in the comments. Most of you are blogging every day and well that is a lot of blog posts to catch up on (I reckon over 300....!)

And I'm Off...

The time is nigh! Just watching this, I can not quite put into words the waves of grief I felt because so many of these images remind me of princess & sweetpea! My goodness that is not something I had anticipated! While in Toronto I hope to visit my Dad's grave, the house I grew up in and where I lived with the kids as well as see all my friends. I have less than 1 week in my city and then I move to a much smaller place to stay (which will remain unnamed) with an amazing friend who is letting me live with her rent free until I get a job. Today, I leave for London to board a plane friends bought the ticket for. I am blessed. I can't wait to see these friends and start my life all over; it feels like I'm beginning anew in so many ways and yet still there is some sadness at saying good-bye. In reality both places are my home, England is where all of my family are, Canada is where my friends are. England gives me trails to hike, the ocean to gaze at, politics that fill a need for information and education and my already existing family. Canada gives me my childhood memories and all that is yet to come.

Prayers for safe travel Sunday & Monday very much appreciated. The last time I traveled I had a horrid experience, I'll tell you all about it once I'm safely on Canadian soil! ;)

p.s. If you make it to the end of the 2:53 video, I can guarantee I'm not going back to High School! LOL

p.p.s This deserves a post in it's own right, but a giant congratulations to my dear fellow Brit/Cdn blogger friend Haze who is now officially, a mummy!!!!

Can you live off of....

So I have 2 days to go (those keeping track may notice I'm flying a few days later than anticipated), and so far I have the following packed for the big move back home so I can start my adoption:

• stationery
• toothpaste
• denim handbag
• feminine products
• hair putty
• hand butter
• pencil case

Which begs the question: if disaster struck and I could not pack anything else, would I survive on stationery and toothpaste; probably not so I better pack things like underwear, shoes (do I even own proper shoes anymore?! I really do live in sandals & sunglasses), clothes, yada yada! Fitting your whole life & belongings into 1 suitcase and 1 carry on is slightly overwhelming and scary. I don't really own stuff so the added thought of how many things I'll need - you know things like beds, couches, maybe a fridge or stove - that is seriously scary. Oh my life is changing! Overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. And this post is yet another example of how to waste 10 minutes while facing an international move in two days and not yet having anything of substance packed, unless you count hair putty and feminine products as substance ;)

The Last King Of Scotland

Sitting here in bed, watching this film struggling to understand how the world is still filled with suffering - why we can put a man on the moon and yet every second a child dies of starvation or from dirty water or lack of medical care. I can not understand why people still have to choose to place their children in orphanages or for adoption because they can't afford to feed them or get them the medical care they need. I still can't understand why the world has such marked differences between the rich and the poor. I still can't understand why so few people truly care. When I became a Christian I vowed to live on less so I could give more, my goal started at 90/10, then 80/20, then 75/25. I've managed through extreme cutbacks like slashing my grocery bill by 75%, renting a room in a house instead of renting my own house, not buying any new clothing or jewelry or "stuff" for a good 18 months and yet I know my small contributions will never even scrape the bucket. It has been an amazing journey, I've done without the things most people think you need, and yet I've gained so much in return, it really has been a blessing to me to own almost nothing. My hope is that in the next season of my life, where I have to begin to acquire things again (kids need a couch to sit on, yes?) that I still remember this past season and make choices that put others ahead of my own wants and see the blessing that comes from only having what you really need so that you can give more money to help those in need. It has certainly been a journey and no doubt I still have far to go....!

My Darling

I said in an email to Kerri a while ago, that the reality is the child that comes to my family through adoption is already born. He or she is already either in an orphanage or about to face the horrific loss of losing their family. Even thinking about it makes me want to go to the corners of the earth to prevent this from happening, it makes me want free health care for every single citizen on earth, the end of poverty, the shame of special needs, single status, or teenage motherhood to disappear into a cloud of smoke and families to never ever have to be separated. Only in my lifetime this is highly unlikely because we don't think of rights for all, we often only think of rights for self. It is as if we stopped just being a society that provides for each other and instead are an economy - where survival is only for the fittest. Lately I've been listening to this song and thinking of him or her. I view the "we" as both his or her first family and me and God. And while I wait I'll try to think of the right things to say, to ease the pain, to explain what truly should be unexplainable and unjustifiable.



Go back to sleep now
My darling
And I'll keep all the bad dreams away
Breathe now, think sweet things
And I'll think of all the right words to say

Because we made you
My darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start

Grow up now
My darling
Please don't you grow up too fast
And be sure, darling
To make all the good times last

Because we made you
My darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start

Food Glorious Food...

Isn't it great to be singing songs from Oliver on this Thursday? I *heart* Oliver!

On the topic of food. I have just bought a week's worth of healthy food. I fly in 2 weeks, I'm determined to boost that immune system, make my clothes fit better and have enough energy to tackle that mega list (which grows daily!). So the plan, good eats for the next week.

Breakfasts
Fage yoghurt (my all time favourite yoghurt) with honey, raspberries, pomegranate and seed mix with orange & mango smoothie x 3
Kashi oatmeal, peach slices and orange juice x 2
Baked beans on whole wheat Irish soda bread (home made) x 2

Lunches
Moroccan chickpea soup with crackers, grapes and carrot sticks x 2
Smoked Salmon salad with edamame & spinach, pomegranate, orange slices
Lentil salad with sliced peppers, homegrown cherry tomatoes, hummus
Hummus on crackers with avocado slices, bean sprout salad, apples x 2
Bean sprout salad, homemade chips, radishes & spinach, kiwi fruit

Dinners
Stir fry - rice noodles, puy lentils, cabbage, carrots, zucchini in homemade spinach sauce x 2
Scallops, beats, spinach, feta cheese, pomegranate seeds
Chickpea Burgers, roasted beats, spinach salad
Baked potato with cheese, lentil sprouts, grated carrot & cabbage
Red lentil, rice noodles, cabbage, zucchini in a homemade ginger & chili sauce
Roast squash stuffed with pine nuts, cabbage, broccoli, feta cheese & mint.

I'm hungry already :) If only I could drop 20 lbs in 2 weeks!! ;) And now I'm off to my knitting club. Oh I'll miss my knitting club! Then the plan is to sit on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around me, a hot water bottle on my back, the fairy lights on that surround my living room and accomplish marking my final paper...2 weeks my friends, 2 weeks.

Say No To Bacon....!

I have been loving these micro pigs since I arrived. Had I stayed in this country I would own two. Maybe three. I think we'd make a cute family. I mean, they are friendly, they love their belly scratched and apparently they giggle. Yes giggle. What could be cuter? Seriously. I may just have to find a way to eventually make one part of the family.
















What isn't to love??

I'd name them Norma & Rae as a reminder that pigs have rights too (no I'm not assuming my smart readers don't know all about Norma/Crystal, just thought I'd give you a link in case you wanted to read further). Of course I'd have to be concerned about them near my friend Porter aka the girl who actually has a tag on her blog named BACON (make sure you don't say that b.a.c.o.n. word out loud, you'll scare the pigs, they're only widdle you know!) I mean, no one could look at these cuties and think bacon, could they?

So on the land we've now got a list that includes hens (rescued battery ones of course), donkeys, micro pigs, a pot belly pig (named George), a miniature pony, goats, alpacas plus the regulars, you know dogs and cats. Please form an orderly queue now for your ticket to visit, the charge is the cost of one international adoption! LOL ;)

And now I'm off to enjoy breakfast - Moroccan chickpea soup, mango & pineapple pieces, water and tea! You will notice - no bacon :)

Inching Forward...

Sometimes it feels like an eternity until I can begin, other days it feels scarily close, day by day I inch forward.

Done
Country picked. Check! :)
All computers, equipment returned to work. Check!
Final papers marked. Check!
Final work meeting scheduled for Friday. Check!
Final month of rent paid. Check!
E-ticket received. Check!
Housing sorted for arrival. Check!
Housing sorted until December 18th. Check!
Handover notes for volunteer creche I run. Check!
Handover notes for volunteer youth group I run. Check!
Final meeting schedule with replacement team for all my volunteer roles. Check!
N. American style resume written. Check!
1 passport found and birth certificate found. Check!

Still need to:
Pay all bills
Close bank accounts
Cancel checkbooks and UK credit cards
Pack suitcase to bring and boxes to be sent later
Renew other passport
Move out of my little house share and into my mum's for final 2 days
Book tickets to get to airport
Get financial statements about pension contributions for dossier
Sort though all paperwork and get rid of 90% of it!
Dr's appointments x 3
Phone insurance provider for health coverage
Cancel cell phone
Cancel swim & gym membership
Return books to the library
Apply for any tax return most likely a lot of work for no return! ;)
Get money back from phone company which owes me over $500 by wrongly overcharging!
Chase payment for work done in November, February and March - seriously!
Hold a meeting with volunteer team and introduce them to new team leader
Do change of address forms from post office
Cancel charity contributions until new bank account is opened

EDITED TO ADD: How did I forget I still need to find a job and a place to live?!?!

I have decided not to say goodbye to people because honestly I don't have time, don't believe in goodbyes and will see them at Christmas! This means I won't be scrambling to see loads of people over the next 2 weeks and can just concentrate on staying healthy (not quite there yet - well healthy but still have fever and cough from the swine flu!) and getting things done! I'm not emotional about goodbyes on the whole (except for the one mentioned below) because I've had a lot of practice and close friends never feel far away! My two best friends in Canada and my best friend in Australia phone each week, we email etc, the same can be said for close friends I've made through this blog. I've got this long distance friendship thing downpacked, even without facebook ;)

I started off feeling resentful of having to move home, but now I'm leaping for joy! Home is a great place and a fabulous feeling, even though I'll have no relatives there and that is a tad scary, I know everything has come together to make this possible. I'm ready to move, I'm ready to be back where I belong!

AND the most important things!!!!
Happy Birthday Medina AND Happy Birthday Miranda!!

Thank you for all the lovely support for the last post. In many ways it is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it is 100% the right decision!

Goodbye

This video is the only way for me to share...if you look close enough you will see me...
Saying goodbye is hard.
Leaving a man you love.
Wondering what could have been, or in the eyes of others, what would have been.
Falling on your knees in prayer for guidance, signs, obedience.
Seeking wise counsel from Michelle who always listened, pointed to scripture and showed love, while clearly reminding me of where my accountability lies.
Asking the Lord to close one door and open another, even though you really want both open.
Seeing the Lord slowly close one, and open the other - the sign is clear.
Accepting differences and limitations yet understanding if they get in the way of obedience, then they simply get in the way
Meeting the man, a godly man, you've been waiting for and yet, knowing when it comes down to it, you have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other and walk away however much it hurts, however much no one understands.
Knowing this is the right choice, the only choice, the choice commanded and ordained. While still accepting it is OK to wish things were different...! To pray for courage, guidance, protection and love for both of you, separated by continents and fears, stuck at an impasse that should be easy to work through yet we live in a fallen world where impasses often grow larger and deeper, even with the best of intentions.
Having the courage to stand firm and follow God's path for you, when inundated with questions and pleas to stay
Clicking book flight on this Saturday morning and not looking back...

"You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, leaving a part of yourself behind.”

Mourning the piece of you left behind, taking a piece of him with you...yet accepting you can never go back, all you can do at the end of the day is trust and obey, however hard, there is no real choice in this life worth letting down He who is most important. So you weep as you pray for whoever eventually becomes his wife, to be loving & kind and just the wife he needs, while trying to accept, understand and stand firm that it can't be you...

Click. Flight Confirmed. Goodbye my love, goodbye.

Our favourite song, says it all...

Fix You By Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Thank you light, thank you!

You will NEVER believe this....

Yes, YET AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!



Found out this am after 3 days of praying it would turn out to just be a nasty cold. It is *supposed to be* 13 sleeps until I leave, I'm considering giving myself a little break and delaying by a week or two! Sigh! I know you might think my blogging is a good sign, in reality I need a distraction from the constant coughing, sneezing, wheezing, fevers of 103-104, painful ears, very upset tummy, keeping nothing down for 3 days, lips so chapped from dehydration...I'm a right mess! Which always makes me wonder, just how would the Queen react? Would she become a sobbing mess like me??? Oh to have her grace and stoicism!

Update: It hurts to breath. Can you please pray that this doesn't go into pneumonia? Because then stoicism is out the window! Pneumonia = no flying for 6 weeks!