If, then...

- If you get a phone call at 9:45 am while you are standing in your apartment na*ed, then it might be your interviewer changing your interview time from 1:30pm to 10:30AM and expecting you to be there!

- If you go to an interview with a tyrant as one of the interviewers who shuts down the other interviewers and is seriously rude with her facial communication and verbal communication to the other interviewers and yours truly, then you might come away feeling like a lazy good for nothing who really should give up

- If you then go to the gym to cool off, knowing you have over an hour before it closes for lunch, then expect the gym lady to scowl at you the whole time and remind you that they do close for lunch and she will be leaving right. at. 1:30. and. will. not. wait. for. you. cause. she. has. plans. And even though you may reassure her that you actually only planned to do a 50 minutes set routine so you'll be gone in plenty of time, she may tell you 8x during that 50 minutes that the gym closes at 1:30 in a very snide way!! [btw I wasn't even the last one out of the gym]

- If you get back to your apartment and INSIDE it is 123 degrees (INSIDE PEOPLE!) then you may jokingly tell your cousins that you want a bridge to jump off of into a lake - not because you are in any way suicidal but because it is that hot.

- If you then walk to the pool in said heat then you will be able to see the football team & cheerleaders practicing and feel nostalgia for your University days.

- If you reflect on the fact that you are unemployed, then you may feel like you have nothing to show for the last 10 years and dream about being a cheerleader!

- If you see 2 Mormon missionaries en route home then you might fantasize about how perfect life would be as a Utah housewife, watching BYU (who went independent today - saw it on Abby's sisters' cool blog but didn't have the guts to comment. Abby, your sister is cool!), having a big family and gaining a big family of SIL's, BIL's etc [sorry for the stereotype Mormon friends, I know not all of you have big families! However Abby's cool family makes me think my fantasy of a big Utah family = awesomeness!]

- If you get home from swimming and phone your godmother to tell her that you won't be visiting Thurs, but instead arriving Saturday (which you totally prepared her for and told her it will be a possibility) then she might make you feel super duper guilty because even though you told her Thurs was only a possibility, she arranged for a BBQ Thursday night with 30+ people (I only know 1!).

- If you upset your Godmother in this way then she may say "are they going to let you adopt you know cause it's not like you are established - how on earth can you adopt when you don't own your own home" to which you explain a. once you have a job you will have your own place and your final visits/application won't go in until you have a house/apartment and a job b. there's plenty more to being a good adopter than owning a home and renting is just fine c. you've fostered four kids, worked in orphanages, work in the fostering/adoption world d. held down jobs managing over 100 people. e. worked in a male dominated role where you are the only person under 50 f. have a great reputation for your stability, work, understanding yada yada [btw haven't seen this godmother in over 12 years as she's been living in S. America so I think the judgement isn't really based on me, since she doesn't really know me as an adult or at least that's what I hope plus she said she doesn't understand why anyone would want to help others (volunteering, fostering etc) and not just focus on themselves and she thinks if you are single and want to be a parent you should go get drunk and "have fun" - great Godmother material ;-)]

- If your godmother says such things then you may feel yet again like a total loser who hasn't accomplished much in 10 years

- If you escape a BBQ with 29 people you don't know, then you may be uber happy because right now all you want to do is relax, swim, read, pray, reflect and be 100% alone!

- If you then bump into someone you know who is super conservative and their child tells you girls can't do anything like go to University, be a farmer, have a job, drive a tractor or travel then you might just tell her girls rock and can do anything boys can do and momentarily forget that you may just get a lecture from her parents about "acceptable roles for women" help. me. now!!!

- If you are feeling like you need to run through a field screaming at the top of your lungs the plea "please make life easier" then you might just write a blogpost instead

- If you have a writing deadline for a writing group you are in and you have another job to apply for and it is 9:46pm then you might just say goodnight. the end.